If I had to summarize my 2025, honestly, I wouldn’t. Time is a scam and a social construct. New Year, New Me is a propaganda spread by British people to sell more weight loss tea and time management journals. If I had to name my favorite canon event of 2025, I also wouldn’t do that. It’s been a paradox. Memory is a cruel thing. The same occasions which brought me calmness and happiness once, later got tarnished so bad, I don’t even want to think about them. Memory should’ve been voluntary. I need to delete some stuff.
I didn’t read many books this year which is not something to be proud of. I did watch a lot of good shows which is also something not to be proud of but I enjoyed them too much. I watched so many good sitcoms, and sci-fi shows, and dramas. I also discovered very, very, good music. The thing about books is it is actually getting difficult to find good books. It’s actually not but it is time consuming to find a good book. I guess I didn’t have that much time this year. On the contrary I think I wasted so much time this year. Then again, I consider anything that doesn’t conclude in some productive outcome a waste of time. Is dopamine production a productive outcome? It should be.
But there should be one thing about this year that I should be proud of. Haina?
The thing is a lot is going on at the moment. and I am not sure about a lot. Also, I discovered a lot of personal flaws!!! see? what fun year! I discovered that all the time I was joking about being weird and oddball, I actually wasn’t joking at all. it was all true. Also, I think I lost a bit of spark from my eyes. The credit goes to people in my life who are unironically the same people who helped me discover my flaws and told me embracing yourself is a fraud and the principles and ethics I have been following my entire life are absolutely garbage. I should stay away from such people.
I won’t say that “it is what it is” and “I am this way and I won’t change”. No, I will change. but for the better. not because others think my ways are wrong.
If they are wrong in my conscious I’ll change them. but I don’t think they are wrong. I did discover myself in one way or another. And it turns out if 13-year-old me met now me, she would like me. I am not my best self yet but I do think I’m on my way. Someone with better time management skills and extremely remarkable communication skills and unapologetically weird and academic weapon. Okay, I exaggerated at the academic weapon. If it is going to be an academic weapon it will probably be a bow and arrow. Not Canon balls or anything.
Maybe the main problem is I just keep forgetting that all people are different people. My idea of a person varies so vastly with the actual person that I am left nothing but disappointments. In my defense, I didn’t even think that my standards were that high. And they are not. Maybe they are though. But I don’t think they are.
I got so close to achieving a few of my dreams. So close. They were within my reach. but I guess unheard melodies are sweeter. I’m sorry I doubted Icarus. when you’re so close to reaching the sun, you don’t realize how your wings are on fire. and the sun was so close. I was so cold. I still am. And a fire is a fire. No matter how badly it burns. I hope I overcome that next year at least.
Everything is exactly the same as it was a year ago. But everything has also changed beyond recognition. My sister watches dramas now and my brother is obsessed with motorcycles. My trips to home are shorter and sometime questionable in some aspects even. There are people who I wished new year last year, now I’m not even sure they remember my birthday. I remember theirs though. So, it sucks.
Then again, I did achieve a few things. I finally got a red mug. I always wanted a red mug. I got my writings published. I joined two new societies. I really like one of them. The other one is still pretty shady.
If they are wrong in my conscious I’ll change them. but I don’t think they are wrong. I did discover myself in one way or another. And it turns out if 13-year-old me met now me, she would like me. I am not my best self yet but I do think I’m on my way. Someone with better time management skills and extremely remarkable communication skills and unapologetically weird and academic weapon. Okay, I exaggerated at the academic weapon. If it is going to be an academic weapon it will probably be a bow and arrow. Not Canon balls or anything.
Maybe the main problem is I just keep forgetting that all people are different people. My idea of a person varies so vastly with the actual person that I am left nothing but disappointments. In my defense, I didn’t even think that my standards were that high. And they are not. Maybe they are though. But I don’t think they are.
I got so close to achieving a few of my dreams. So close. They were within my reach. but I guess unheard melodies are sweeter. I’m sorry I doubted Icarus. when you’re so close to reaching the sun, you don’t realize how your wings are on fire. and the sun was so close. I was so cold. I still am. And a fire is a fire. No matter how badly it burns. I hope I overcome that next year at least.
Everything is exactly the same as it was a year ago. But everything has also changed beyond recognition. My sister watches dramas now and my brother is obsessed with motorcycles. My trips to home are shorter and sometime questionable in some aspects even. There are people who I wished new year last year, now I’m not even sure they remember my birthday. I remember theirs though. So, it sucks.
Then again, I did achieve a few things. I finally got a red mug. I always wanted a red mug. I got my writings published. I joined two new societies. I really like one of them. The other one is still pretty shady.
But I got so disappointed in people, I want the “26 me duniya khtm hai” meme come true. It is a different kind of grief because I cannot do anything about it. People are the way they are and I cannot do anything about it. That disappointment shadows my entire year, suppresses all the achievements. So, all in all, this year has been……
khair hai.
For 2026, I have one resolution and one resolution only. I will be kind to myself. That’s it. I’m young and I’m learning. I’ll make mistakes again and again and again. But I will get up. I won’t lose my hope in people no matter how bitter they are, I will get better at things I suck at and I won’t waver.
khair hai.
For 2026, I have one resolution and one resolution only. I will be kind to myself. That’s it. I’m young and I’m learning. I’ll make mistakes again and again and again. But I will get up. I won’t lose my hope in people no matter how bitter they are, I will get better at things I suck at and I won’t waver.
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