On Silver Linings

 

I had a medicine exam in 15 minutes. They seated us outside, in front of the greenhouse. I suppose if it was some fine April day it would make more sense, with a brilliant blue sky, soft sunshine and green grass. The kind of a perfect day which happens on sports days in theory. Sometimes also in practice because we enjoy a late winter and a sunny autumn here.

Instead, it was a chilly December noon. The sky was grey and hazy. The grass was dull and lifeless and the cold from the soil seeped through it. A gust of cold wind blew once in a while, making me thankful that I had chosen to once again wear my beloved coat this morning instead of the black and red sweater. All in all, people seemed pretty uncomfortable about it. I liked it. In retrospect, I feel like that was the kind of venue where some tragedy occurs late at night on a prestigious mysterious college, some really quixotic murder or a dead bride rising again from the grave. I still liked it.The exam went well. I do not have any regrets.

 Looking back, I realise today was the ultimate embodiment of how my year went. The grass was always greener on the other side; if only today was sunny, if only I skipped pathology lecture, if only I had gone on that brunch, if only I had studied that night instead of binge watching The Office. Too many if only’s. but then I also kind of liked the grass on my side. Yup, it was dull and dry. But at least, there wasn’t a barren field. There weren’t any exotic wildflowers blooming here. But there also weren’t any thorny bushes. I guess I am okay with that.

Life got tougher. But somehow more pleasant. here in hostel, we are lucky to have some warm water once in a blue moon. In winters it is unbearably cold and in summer it is unbearably warm. Ironically, it is also not the best place for studying anything, at all, ever. Under unfortunate circumstances we have to do laundry and I had to iftar with banana shake and prince biscuit once in Ramadan. See, very unideal conditions.

But I like the way the sky turns pinkish blue in the evening when birds return to their trees. I like the fact that I do not have to stay up late at night all alone, I always have company. I like it when girls celebrate someone’s birthday and when there comes muffled music sound from some room and when girls try to commit some mischief but it goes terribly wrong. Its all so weirdly synchronized. Kids stuffed in rooms with specific numbers on each door. Its like a train and we’re all in our compartments.

I had a nice summer. I read a lot of books. I am so happy that I discovered Ernest Cunningham series. That’s exactly what my life lacked. A new detective series where the main guy is actually an amateur and has a really good sense of humor. I finished the latest book this month and I am already looking forward to the next book. I wrote. A lot.

And I am proud of myself for that at least. I watched so so many television shows and I loved them. I discovered new music. I made friends (this one is weird, I am not friendly at all, it is a miracle). I once had a rhetorical conversation about the existence of vampires with a friend. I read one of my friend’s book recommendations.

(hmmmm….shouldn’t have done that) I had a very good breakfast with my class fellows one late Saturday morning.Most of all, I enjoyed it. yup, those parasitology classes have given me trauma for life but still it was worth it. the groups we had to work in were really bizarre but I still liked them. our practical classes were emotional hell, but there were so many upsides that the hell froze over.

Every dark cloud does have a silver lining, I guess. It wasn’t wonderful,it was like riding an old bus, with closed windows and a permanent horn,beside some rude crying baby, on a dirt road, with potholes, also a lot of traffic. What I am trying to say is, it wasn’t a really good year. But I liked it.

In the end, its all about trying to accept the unruly changes, making some small pleasant changes and accepting crappy stuff that we can’tchange, but at least we can be brave about it. for what other choices do we have but to be brave? On a side note, we could also try being more happy.

But let’s not rush things. One thing at a time. I was brave this year. Next year, I will be happier too.