Sometimes I think that I am too selfish. I think about myself all the time. What will I eat for dinner? How will I complete the entire syllabus in one night? Who would talk to me, a nobody? Why do I have so much work to do? Why can’t I overcome dehydration? Am I becoming too thin? So on and so forth. I wake up and think how tired I am. I go to sleep and I think how many hours of sleep I can get if I sleep right this instant?
Other times I feel like I am a side
character in my own life story. What is happening in my life? Nothing. The most
exciting thing that happened to me recently was a chess match which I didn’t
watch because I don’t know chess. I just like the horse shaped tiny guy and
hope no one knocks it out.
But outside the dilemma of myself life is
so pretty. It is march now and it is beautiful. the crack in the pavement in
front of my hostel has moss growing inside it. the daisies and poppies have
bloomed. When a cool breeze blows at sehri time, I can smell jasmine somewhere.
Clouds often paint patches of blurry white in the bright blue sky.
I have exams and I can’t help but be a bit
miserable. I have to stay up late at night and study till dawn. The life around
me seems stuck in a steam engine that stopped working years ago. At times I
feel deplorable and waves of sadness wash over me as if destroying sandcastles
on beach.
But the waiters at cafeteria were laughing
at some inside joke this morning. And the hostel attendant was smiling while
reading some magazine. One of my teachers joked that cheating is haram in
Ramazan. A friend of mine excelled at her exam. One of my classmates suggested
that if vampires are indeed real, then their blood may help in making vaccine.
My roommate decided to cook daal today. I called my father. It drizzled at 5 in
the morning. I bought bananas to eat in iftar.
Outside the dilemma of myself, life is so
simple.
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