"You should apply, you know", Kathy says, her voice now barely audible to me through my phone, "There's this writing program you've always been interested in. And you can easily land a scholarship".
"Yes",I say, moving my phone a little bit more away from my ear and trying to focus on the book in front of me."Sounds great. I'll apply for sure".
"Hurry girl! The deadline is just around the corner",she almost yells into the phone.
"Okay I'll apply today",I say hastily.
I definitely need to shake her off soon.
"Great!",She sounds excited,"I'll ask Ali also". And without waiting for my reply she hangs up.
I place the phone on my nightstand and turn it off.
I am not attending any more calls. I can't afford to talk to anyone else. I don't have enough time. I read the same paragraph again for the fourth time. I still have tons to study.
"The train stops, its crawling pace coming to an end. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. The compartment is empty beside me. The yellowish glow of the shaded lamps on the leather seats that made the atmosphere seem like a luxury earlier now feels a bit eerie.
I push aside the creamy curtain, glancing out of the window. The station outside is dark and covered with soupy mist. All I can see are the faint halos of light around bobbing lanterns. Suddenly the train whistles. The door to my compartment slides open. A few passengers step in. One of them is wearing a witch's hat and another one is wearing yellow robes. They look preposterous. They make their way around me, most of them sitting in the back of the compartment. With a jerk, the train starts again."
My alarm rings at 3 in the morning. I turn it off and toss out of my blanket. I am not a morning person but sacrifices have to be made when you aim so high. By half past 3 I am at my reading desk again, my pen in my hand and my notes in front of me. Getting admission into law college is not easy, I know. But I am not scared of hard work either. I haven't had 8 hours of sleep for the last few weeks and I am not planning to do so. I am not going to rest until I get into my dream college. By 5 'o'clock, I am done with my notes and I start my self assessment test when my phone rings. It's Ali. He's sending me the application form for another university. I turn my phone off. I have been turning it off quite a lot recently.
Everyone thinks that all these admission openings are opportunities but I consider them merely distractions. And I do not afford distractions.
I need to get into law college. Because I am not going anywhere else.I focus back on my test.
"I clutch the envelope tightly in my hands. It is my life's savings. I look around nervously. The same yellowish glow of the lamps now illuminates the faces of the passengers. Some cheerful, some sullen and others pensive. They are all silent. Waiting patiently for their destinations.
At once the door slides open and a round man in a gray stained uniform walks out. His gait is slow and his gaze is searching.
He stops beside the boy with yellow robes. The boy hands him an envelope and he gives him a ticket. They talk for a while and the man lets out a low chuckle. I eye him curiously.
He walks straight into me. I can smell a faint putrid smell of grease rising from him. Silently, I hand him the envelope. He grabs it and then waves it near his face, sniffing it. His bloodshot eyes spread wide,"Ah pure hardwork and determination, smells different".
He stuffs the envelope in his ragged satchel and looks at me, a smirk on his face.
"Two way trip to Mount Evermore, I guess?"
I shake my head solemnly. "To the Garden of Eden".
His face falls. "Two ways to the Garden of Eden are rare these days".
"One way", I voice gravelly, "I won't be returning".
"You sure, kid?",He asks, incredulous.
I nod firmly.
He smiles showing his yellowing teeth. He flicks his fingers and a ticket emerges in his hands. He hands me the ticket with his rough hands, his fingernails pale and dirty. I grab the ticket and tuck it tightly into my fist. There is only one word written on it.
Destiny."
I get home at six in the evening. Almost after 7 hours of study, I am back in my sanctum. The house is dead silent. Nobody's home yet. On the kitchen counter, mother has left me a couple of sandwiches and lemonade. I sit on the counter and wolf down a sandwich. I haven't had anything since breakfast.
Then I turn on my phone. I haven't checked it since morning. It distracts me from studying.
3 missed calls from Katherine.
59 unread messages.
I open the group chat.
"Congrats Jonathan! I knew you would make it!
Bro, you need to have a party! This deserves celebration.
John! You sly rat! I know now why you never shared your notes."
After reading through half of the conversation, I realize that Jonathan got admission in the medical college he wanted to. Good for him, I think and open Katherine's messages.
"Spiderman homecoming! This week! Here in our local cinema! Tell me you are not going to miss Tom Holland because of some stupid test"
I turn my phone off again. Katherine is right. I will not miss Tom Holland for some stupid test. But this right here is my whole career. All my life I've wanted this and I will not let this chance slip up. I go to my room and leave the phone back on the counter. I take out my books and settle down. I have a mock test coming up.
"The train makes the fourth stop on a bright station with rubicand clouds that remind you of cotton candy. I stick my face to the window, looking outside at the happy crowd gathered at the brilliantly colored station. The air smells sweet and intoxicating.
The boy ,with the green scarf, descends the train. I see him embracing a few people on the station steps, his face beaming. I am still in awe of the view outside when the train jostles awake and makes its way forward. I am now alone in my compartment. Everyone else has reached their destination. I sit still."
"You should have a plan B!",Ali says to me.
"Why?", I squint my eyes at him.
"I mean just in case!",He shrugs as if the idea is not absurd.
"Plan B is for people who do not give their best to Plan A", I say and show him my mock test. "As you can see, I am not lacking anything in my Plan A".
I got the highest score in my mock test.
"I am not saying you shouldn't believe in yourself", he says handing me my test back, "I am saying that it wouldn't hurt to apply in some other college just as a backup".
"I don't need backup", I frown, annoyed by his babbling.
"But what if you don't make it?"He says, folding his arms,"what if you fail the entrance test?"
"That's out of the question",I tell him, trying to find the airpods in my bag,"I've been burning midnight oil for a month now. Everybody knows that hard work works like a charm. I have covered the whole syllabus thrice. There's not a single chance I'll fail".
Before he can argue more with me , I plug in the airpods and turn on my playlist, blasting Harry Styles in full volume.
"The train passes three more stations, each brighter and better than the last one. I can't help but gaze at each of them. The conductor, a tall lean man with a french mustache, comes into the compartment then. He takes a look around and his eyes hover on me. I cast a momentary glance at him then focus outside on the station.
"Beautiful places, aren't they?" He says,neering me.
"Yes" I nod.
"Wouldn't you like to visit one of'em?"
I look up at him. Without saying anything, I wave my ticket in front of his eyes
"Are you sure?",His voice is uncertain.
"Positive",I say deadpan.
He hovers at my side for a few more moments, perhaps waiting for me to change my decision, then simply leaves, as quietly as he entered."
"You are not going to pick up your phone?",My mother asks me, placing the phone on my bed beside me. I take a look at the screen. Almost a hundred unread messages and two dozen missed calls. I haven't turned my phone on since I got the result. I can't deal with everyone now. Dealing with such unexpected failure is a task on its own.
I turn it off and hide beneath my blanket.
"It's okay, you know",my mother says, sitting beside me on the bed."You can try again next time".
"There's no next time", I hold back a sob. I did all I could do and where has it landed me. Nowhere.
It's as if I've used all my life lines and the last wrong answer has ruined my chances to become a millionaire.
"Maybe being a lawyer isn't that great after all," she says gently. "Maybe you'd make a better teacher or a doctor".
"There is an abyss. There is absolutely nothing. I stand still, looking around in darkness. I can't see anything. I look back at the conductor who is still on the train.
" This is not my destination".I say hoarsely.
"The train cannot go forward, madam", he states.
"Then take me back," I say trying to hop back on the train, "I'll go to some previous station".
"One way ticket. Remember?", He blocks my way with his hand.
I watch him desperately. "My ticket was to the garden of Eden",I plead.
"I'm afraid your payment lacked a little luck, madam" he says, bowing his head.
For a few minutes, he stands there, perhaps pitying me, someone who had so many chances yet still didn't take them.
Then he disappears into the train. Helplessly, I watch the train engine whistle and start its slow stride. In a few moments, the train disappears, leaving a trail of smoke and me behind.
"So a computer scientist?", I ask Katherine.
"Yeah, or maybe a software engineer " she says enthusiastically and then grabs the pen.
"Let me fill in the form for you", she starts writing.
I let her fill that form as I grab another one. There are many forms I have to fill. Many opportunities I have to benefit from.
"I have walked for miles when I see it. A greenish glow in the distance. Another station. As I squint my eyes, I can see some more light. A dim yellow hue and a bluish luminance. Stations. There are stations in the distance. I run towards them. I missed them once. I won't miss them again. I thought they were
the wrong stations. But maybe sometimes the wrong stations lead to the right destination."
0 Comments