This winter...

 I longed for winter. I yearned for winter. I wanted to feel the cold chilly wind blowing at my face. I wanted to feel the light sunlight on myself tingling my skin. I wanted to enjoy the chilly mornings and cozy nights.

But now that it's here, I have come to a realization. I want winter. Just not this winter. I want that winter 8 years back.

That slow sleepy winter. When the mornings were slow and hazy. And the 10 am tea session was calm and accompanied by a good television show. I want that winter where my family would bask in the sun in the morning and in the evening and we would peel tangerines and clementines and talk like we had all the time in the world. That winter where the evenings were cold and we would burn a fire and sit around it and eat the fish mother cooked for us. That winter where I would sit on the bed for hours reading all the magazines I could get my hands on. That winter where the biggest problem of my life was the stupid winter task. It all seems so far away now. 

Now the mornings are passed in a blink and the afternoons are a blur. The blankets keep me warm but no longer cozy. Our family has tons to do and we do not have that much time for each other. We still peel tangerines and eat oranges with salt. But not together. The evening are hasty and frosty. We still enjoy tea times and eat fish together. But something has changed.

It's just like Alida Nugent said:

" You still crave lemonade, but the taste doesn't satisfy you as much as it used to. You still crave summer, but sometimes you mean summer, five years ago"

I never understood this quote. Now I do.

The only thing that is same are my books. I still read books in my bed every single night. And I reread many of those. And when I do, sometimes I am reminded of those lovely winters. But I am grateful for this winter too. 

I do not know how many winters I have left to enjoy.

The years start coming and they don't stop coming and maybe in another 20 years we won't have winters to enjoy due to global warming or maybe the winters will continue but I won't be around to feel the chilly wind on my cheeks.

So I should make the most of this winter. And I have a feeling that something's gonna change this winter. Something always changes. I just hope that winter is there when things change so I can take a sip of my tea, shrug and continue to read my books, ignoring everything else.